Screams echo, piercing, bleeding

Blue and white, edged in lace

Burning at the stake of sacrifice, sanity

Hung over a broken window.

So cold.

No sunlight reaches here,

To warm my bones.

Put in a box so you wouldn’t have to see,

Blurred by tears you refused to let fall.

Whispers of the pain reach me,

Spoken by those who cannot help the dead.

Endlessly sleeping,

I drift away.

Taunting my aloneness, my hatred of self.

The shadows were chased away with one quiet laugh,

And for a brief moment I was allowed to see.

Rainbows filled the air, butterflies of every hue,

One lit on the porcelain doll on the shelf,

Its cracked face no deterrent to the color,

My soul yearned  to be.

Between silences, I saw your brilliant light,

Reminding me of all I am not.

Your voice faded from view,

And the colors lost their tune.

In the hush of your smile,

The butterfly flew in fear of being caught.

Gathering rain clouds filled the sky,

Bringing me to an end too soon.

“Oh, Joe,” She thought, “What have you done?”

Slowly turning her head from side to side she recognized the auditorium of the elementary school she had gone to almost three decades before.  Little had changed.  The walls were still painted avocado green with pale yellow accents.   Between the children huddled in the rows of seats, she could see the same faded blue upholstery.

A shiver ran down her spine as awful memories flooded her head.  Joe cutting off the braid of little Jane while he sat behind her in first grade.  Joe in the schoolyard tormenting the other children with a dead cat he found on the road while walking to school.  Joe being expelled from school after bringing a kitchen knife to school and threatening the principal with it.

Maggie took a deep breath, and looked around the room again, but did not see anyone she recognized.  She spotted a short, pale man near the stage she was standing on.  His mustache twitched when he saw she was looking at him.

“Are you the principal?”  Maggie asked.

The man started visibly, then nodded.

“Dismiss the children, starting with the youngest.”

Her instructions were met with a stare of disbelief.

“Please, do it now.  I don’t know how long we have before Joe comes back.”

The man’s eyes widened with understanding, and he moved to the teacher standing nearest the small children at the front of the auditorium.  He whispered in the teacher’s ear, then told the children in the first row to stand and walk out of the auditorium single file.

Maggie held her breath.  “Please, please, let all of the children get out of here before he comes back.  Please.”

The first row continued to file out silently, and the principal looked nervously between Maggie and the children.  Maggie realized she was still holding the gun pointed out at the children.  She took her finger off the trigger and slowly lowered the gun to her side.  She did not know the first thing about guns, and was afraid to do anything more.  The glint of the coin still in her left hand caught her eye.

Starting to see black at the edge of her vision, Maggie realized she was still holding her breath.  She let it out in a whoosh, and several of the children screamed at the sound in the utter silence of the room.

Maggie smiled, and started to apologize, but stopped.  It would only frighten them more.  She clenched her left hand around the coin, as the second row of children started to make their way toward freedom. She counted as each child made it to the double doors on the opposite end of the room.  30, 31, 32…

Images she did not want to see floated before her eyes.  The terrified looks on the children and teachers’ faces as Joe entered the auditorium during their assembly, shot twice into the ceiling and started yelling.  Joe cleaning and loading the gun before coming to the school.  Flipping the coin, knowing it didn’t matter which way it landed, the children were all going to die.  59, 60, 61, 62…

Maggie hadn’t seen Joe in a long time.  She didn’t want to see Joe.  She didn’t want to know what he was doing.  The man was pure evil.  She had been so devastated when she found out they released him from the psychiatric hospital after the last time.  She had spent a lot of time in therapy getting over everything he had done.   No, none of it had been her fault.  But she still felt crushed under the weight of her guilt.  If only she was stronger, if only she could have come forward and told them that there was no rehabilitation for someone like Joe.  But she hadn’t been strong enough, and she didn’t come forward.  And now these poor children would pay.  107, 108, 109…

The auditorium was half empty now.  Maggie was starting to pace the floor of the stage.  She caught a glimpse of light behind the curtain at the side of the stage.  Looking back to the children who were still filing out, she slowly walked over to the curtain.  A mirror.

A quick glance told her the children were still filing out and those still in their seats were looking at their teachers, or the door, anxiously waiting for their turns.  Maggie hadn’t looked in a mirror in so long.  It was tempting, but she knew she shouldn’t.  It would only cause her pain.  Just a look, she told herself.  Just one look.

The mirror was a full length and full length.  It was tilted slightly toward the ceiling, which is how it had reflected the light.  She reached out a hand and pushed the mirror down to see herself.  Bile rose in her throat, and threatened to overwhelm her.  Hair hung in long greasy hanks down past shoulders enclosed in a black sleeveless shirt.  Scars danced up and down thin arms.  The small bits of skin not covered with dirt were abnormally pale.  She turned away quickly.

The auditorium was almost empty now.  Maggie was beginning to think all of the children might escape Joe’s wrath when the headache started.  It was a sudden shooting pain that lanced through her head. 

“NO!”  She screamed in her head.

The pain was so intense, she couldn’t stand upright and dropped to her knees, the gun falling out of her hand and landing with a loud bang on the stage.  The principal looked at her with fear, and rushed the last children out of the auditorium.  The door didn’t even have time to shut behind him before the police were rushing in, guns drawn.

Maggie smiled.  The children had gotten away.  It didn’t matter that Joe was back.  Her world went black.

“I don’t know, but I’ve never seen the boss so mad.  Something, or someone, really pissed him off.”  Jane replied.

Jack, their boss, walked into the conference room and slammed the door.  Half the people in the room jumped out of their seats.  Jack turned and glared at everyone in the room.  His eyes traveled the room and he met everyone’s glance for several seconds.  No one looked down from his hard stares until he looked away.  No one wanted to appear guilty to Jack.

After several minutes, Jack turned his back to the assembled group and opened a cabinet door on the wall revealing a dry erase board.  He picked up a marker and wrote something on the board, shielding it from the group with his body.  When he was finished writing, he just stood and stared at what he had written.

Finally, he moved away from the board.  Everyone read what he had written, but the reactions were varied.  Some of the guys laughed, some people gasped in horror or fear, it was difficult to tell which.  Some people just started.

Jack shouted, “This message was texted to my phone in the middle of the night last night.  I want to know who thinks they have the right to wake me up and scare my wife with this sort of joke.”

Everyone started looking around the room, waiting, as Jack was waiting, for someone to give themselves away.  Either they were all very good actors or no one in this room had done it.  Jack wasn’t buying it.

Jack, aggravated that the perpetrator hadn’t immediately given themselves up, finally said, “Fine.  No one wants to take resposibility?  I will find you out, and then there will be hell to pay.”

Jack stormed out of the room.  Most of the people followed at a similar speed, but Sam and Jane lingered behind.

“You okay, Jane?”  Sam asked worriedly.

Jane shook her head.  “He is going to be impossible to work for until this is resolved.  Who would send him a text that said, ‘ You have 30 days left to live.  Use them Wisely.’?  It seems so dumb.”

“Jack isn’t treating it like a joke.  More like a threat.”

Jane shook her head again.  “That is what worries me.  We will all be enemy number one until he finds out who did this.”

“JANE!”  came a shout from the outer office.

“Oh no.”  Said Jane, “It’s started already.”

“Go!” Said Sam.

Jane left the conference room and walked as quickly as her skirt and heels would allow into Jack’s office.  As his assistant, Jane usually got the brunt of his mood swings.  He paid her hugely to work through them, too.  But this was different.

“Jane, there you are.  I want you to contact the tech department, and find out if they can trace the text.  I need to know who sent that message.”

“Of course.”

Dismissed, she returned to her desk outside his office with a sigh of relief.

Tech couldn’t trace the call.  That was the first hint.  Oh, there was a phone number attached to the text message, but when it was dialed, all one heard was  a beeping sound.  The phone number didn’t belong to anyone according to the phone company, and they coudn’t explain how the text had been sent from a phone number no one owned.

Jack was livid.  Everyone in the office was miserable, especially Jane.  It was only the beginning though.

The next day, and the day after that, Jack came in the office even angrier.  Each night another text had been delivered, counting down to the fatal day. People in the office started to call in sick, just so they wouldn’t have to be around Jack.

Jane continued to do her job, as best she was able under the circumstances, but knew her breaking point would come soon.  By the end of the week, as each night brought a new text message, Jack became spooked rather than angry. He hired two personal security guards to watch him.  Ordered lunch in the office instead of going out.

After Jack had left on Friday, Jane breathed a sigh of relief.  She did not know what the rest of the week would bring, but she was looking forward to a weekend without Jack and worrying about the texts.

Monday morning, bright and early, Jane walked into the office, to be met with a small group of priests and Jack.  Her confusion must have shown on her face because Jack said, “They just finished the exorcism and blessing of this space.  Just in case.”

Jane was truly afraid Jack had flipped his lid.  Day after day it continued.  Garlic was hung, Shamans were called in to bless the space, even a wizard was brought in to put protective wards on the office.  Everyone in the office now thought Jack had gone crazy.  He had always been very volatile, but this was beyond any normal human fear.

Another week went by and Jack started to show the strain.  He looked like he was losing weight, he had dark circles under his eyes, and frown lines wrinkled his forehead.  He started at the slightest noise, and jumped when someone called his name.  Working for Jack was becoming a dangerous venture.

Finally the last day came.  Everyone expected Jack to come to work, but he didn’t.  By noon, everyone was petrified that the warning had been real.  At two in the afternoon, Jack’s wife, Lily, came into the office.  She looked relieved and concerned at the same time.  She called everyone into the conference room, as Jack had done 30 days ago.

Lily accepted a glass of water from Jane gratefully, walked to the front of the room and in her quiet voice, started speaking.

“Jack will not be coming into work for a while.  He is taking a much needed break.  I know Jane is more than capable of keeping the office running smoothly in his absence, and I would like you to look to her for guidance and leadership.”

She took a deep breath.  “In the middle of the night, Jack’s phone received another text.  It said, ‘You have had your 30 days.  Did you use them wisely?  This phone will now die.”

brightest in the sky

I look to you tonight

hoping you already know why

Wishing, wanting, praying

with a tear in my eye

yet knowing your light

faded long ago, with a sigh

I return to my tearful prayer

before in sleep I lie.

HAD 24 November 2009

Ever changing, ever steadfast

Waiting, silent, until I need you

When you appear at my side

Holding me together

As I fall apart

Healing me

As I go insane

Returning to your watchtower

Only when I am standing on my own

Leaving me with the knowledge

You will come again when I call

HAD 24 November 2009

“Oh, Grandmama, why, oh why, did you collect all this stuff?”  She asked herself aloud.

Pushing the box she had just gone through out of the way, she turned to the trunk next to it.  The trunk showed its age in the dents and scratches in the dark wood.  It was held together with iron bands and locked with an old-fashioned lock slipped through a pair of rings, one attached to the top of the trunk, one attached to the bottom.  Fortunately the key was in the lock.

The key squeaked as Elizabeth turned it in the lock.  That didn’t surprise her.  That the trunk was not covered with dust, did.  She was in the furthermost corner of the attic, and everything around her was covered in thick layers of dust.  Elizabeth wondered to herself why her grandmama would have bothered to keep this one trunk dusted.

Heaving open the lid, Elizabeth started to sort through the contents.  Old letters and photographs littered the tray at the top of the trunk.  She spent the next hour making chronological piles of her grandmama’s letters from family and friends.  She placed all of the photographs in another pile.  She was impressed by her grandmama’s habit of writing the date, place and persons in the photograph on the back of each one.  She would take these downstairs and read the letters and look at the photographs later. Maybe the local historical society would be interested in some of them.

The tray itself was light and was removed easily.  Underneath was a layer of tissue paper.  Pulling that out and placing it to the side, Elizabeth pulled out her grandmama’s wedding dress.  She recognized it immediately from the wedding photograph of her grandparents that sat on the mantel of the fireplace downstairs.

The wedding dress had been preserved well and the trunk had protected it from damage.  Carefully pulling the dress from the trunk, Elizabeth shook it out gently and hung it from a rafter nearby.  Underneath the dress was a small box with Elizabeth’s name on it.  Puzzled, Elizabeth pulled out the box and opened it.

Inside was a simple gold chain with a small heart hanging from it.  Elizabeth did not recognize it.  Had her grandmama put the box there with the intention of Elizabeth finding it sometime in the future?  Was there another Elizabeth that the necklace had belonged to originally?  Sighing in frustration, knowing the answers would not come easily, she pulled the necklace out of the box and put it on.

The brilliant flash of light took Elizabeth by surprise.  The crack of thunder that followed shook the house.  Elizabeth took a step towards the window to close it and stopped.  She was no longer wearing the jeans and t-shirt she had put on that morning.  Instead she was wearing a dress.

It was unlike any dress she had ever seen.  It was black silk, with faint peach roses delicately sprinkled here and there.  The bodice fit her like a glove with a floor length flowing skirt and the smallest of sleeves, leaving most of her arms bare.  Or they would be, if she wasn’t wearing elbow high black satin gloves.

Elizabeth walked gracefully over to the full length mirror near the door of the attic. Is there any way to walk other than gracefully in this dress, she thought almost hysterically.  The mirror reflected a version of Elizabeth she didn’t know existed.

Her shoulder length hair was caught up in a chignon at the base of her neck.  Delicate earrings hung down and brushed the side of her neck like a gentle caress.  The dress was even more gorgeous than her first assessment of it.  How?… was all Elizabeth could think.

The strains of music gently floated from downstairs.  At first, Elizabeth was too caught up in looking at the vision before her to notice, but soon it dominated her attention and she opened the door to the attic and walked down the stairs.

On the landing of the third floor, she could hear the sounds of laughter as well as the music.  By the time she made it to the second floor, she could make out voices, though the words were still lost to her.

She reached the top of the stairs to the first floor, and stopped.  Below her was an elegant gathering of men in tuxedos and women in dresses as lovely as her own.  No one gave her notice as she came down the stairs.  She made her way through the crowd, and out onto the porch where the musicians were playing.  Still seeking, though she did not know for what, she wandered out into the garden.

It was a full moon.  Elizabeth’s brow wrinkled.  When had the rain stopped?  What was going on?

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

Elizabeth turned to see she had been followed from the house by a tall man.  Dressed in a tuxedo like the other men in the house, Elizabeth immediately knew there was something different about this man.

“How…how did you know I would be here?”

“I did not know.  I have come here many, many times looking for you.  Now you are finally here.  Would you like to dance?”

Not giving her a chance to refuse, the man swept her into his arms and began to dance with her.  Elizabeth had always loved to dance, but this was different.  She could feel the music in her veins with the beating of her heart.  The man holding her close looked into her eyes, and Elizabeth swore she could see his soul.  When the music stopped, and the man stepped back, Elizabeth closed her eyes against the disappointment.

“Open your eyes, Elizabeth.”  Her name sounded like magic when he said it like that.

“How did you know my name?”

He chuckled and offered her his arm.  With no hesitation, she took it, and they walked over to a gazebo to sit.  “Think, Elizabeth, and you will know my name as well.”

Staring into his dark eyes, suddenly Elizabeth did know his name.  “David.”

David nodded and smiled.

“But, how?”

David looked up to the moon, and quietly said, “We are special, you and I, and many others like us.   We are the Sidhe.  Faeries, if you will.     A long time ago, half of our kind were doomed to live in the world above, where you have lived all your life.  The other half live in the Faerie Kingdom, simply put, a different plane of existence.  Both halves were doomed to loveless lives, unless they could find their soul mate.  The mates of those living above were in the Faerie Kingdom, and vice versa.  But before the curse could be finished, the faerie king and queen enchanted an object, an ordinary object, for all of those who would live in the world above.  It would allow them to come, for one night, to the Faerie Kingdom to find their soul mate.  And tonight you have come.”

He looked back at her and reached up to brush away her tears.  As the words had fallen from his lips, she had known everything he said was true.

“Only one night.”

“Yes.  Only one night.”

“But my grandmama and grandfather adore each other.  They do not have a loveless marriage.”

“Shh, no more words.  We only have this one night in the Faerie Kingdom, and I would spend it dancing with you.”

She nodded wordlessly and he pulled her to her feet and into his arms in one fluid movement.  Hour upon hour they danced.  As the sun rose, he walked her back to the attic, kissed her gently and in another flash of lightening and crack of thunder, disappeared.

Elizabeth found herself standing next to the trunk, holding the necklace in her hands, with silent tears falling from her cheeks.  She knew without a doubt she would never forget David, or her night with him.

Pulling herself together, she repacked the necklace and grandmama’s wedding dress exactly as she had found it.  Picked up the letters and photographs and brought them downstairs with her.  Entering the kitchen, she saw her Grandfather’s car pull into the driveway.   Going out to help her grandparents into the house from the still pouring rain, Elizabeth thought back over all the times she had seen her grandparents together, and knew without a doubt that they did love each other.    Was David somehow wrong?  Could she find love here in the world above?  As soon as she thought the words, she knew she would never love any man but David.

Tears filled her eyes, and she did not see the man getting out of the back seat of her grandparents’ car.

“Elizabeth?”

She closed her eyes, only to be caught up in his arms again, and swung around in a circle.  She opened her eyes to see the only man she would ever love staring down at her.

“How?”

“We get one night in the Faerie Kingdom, but once we’ve found each other, we get a lifetime in the world above.”

Jake was the best seeker around.  Everyone knew it.  No one could hide from him, not for long.  Mother sent him to find the others when no other seeker could do it.  Mother needed him now.  She called him on his cell twice, after trying his home phone three times.  Then she pulled out the red phone, and called him again. He answered on the first ring.

“Mother?”

“Where are you, Jake?  You didn’t answer…never mind.  I need you to find some missing children who are going to be late for dinner.”

“Where?”

“I’ve already located you.  I sent the van as soon as you answered.”

“How many are playing today?”

“Ten started playing, but there is the possibility of an eleventh.  You will need to concentrate on the eleventh.”

“My gear?”

“In the van.  We’ll see you in five.”

Jake frowned as she hung up.  He wasn’t supposed to be playing this week.  There were plenty of other seekers.  She must be very worried to call him in.  He stretched and got up from the sofa.  Five minutes didn’t give him long.

Hair dripping from the shower, Jake dashed down the stairs and jumped in the van as it pulled up to the curb.  He grinned at Mother, but she did not smile in return.  Jake immediately knew the stakes were high in this game.

“Ten children, all boys, went into closed off caves this afternoon.  We were called in when they didn’t return for dinner.”

Jake looked at his watch.  Nearly 8PM.   The boys would be hungry and thirsty by now.  He looked at Mother.

“And the eleventh?”

“Younger sister of one of the boys.  She did not go in with the boys, but possibly followed them in.”

“So we don’t really know.”

“There are other people looking for her above ground.  Your job is to find everyone in the caves.  EVERYONE, Jake.”

Jake managed a hurt look, “Have I ever failed you, Mother?”

“No, and I don’t want tonight to be the first time. Clear?”

“Crystal.”

Jake took the papers he was handed and turned away.

“ETA, 20 minutes.”  Called the driver.

Jake closed his eyes and concentrated.  He opened them and looked at each paper he was handed in turn.  A schematic of the caves, pictures of each hiding child, names, vital stats, the clothing they had been wearing that day, everything he would need to find them.  The little girl was last.  He spent longer on that page, memorizing every nuance of the information.  When he was done, Jake put the papers down and started putting on his gear.

The van pulled up to the fence around the caves.  Emergency lights had been put up around the area.  A police officer ran up to the van.  He took one look at the writing on the side of the van and waved them past the fence, and into the Game Zone.

Mother put her hand on Jake’s shoulder, but said nothing.  She knew better than to break his concentration.  She got out and was immediately drenched.  She knew the increase in danger the rain would bring.  Those caves could fill up fast, and she could be sending her favorite into trouble, but there was no other choice.  Not if the other children were to be found.

“You must be Mother.”

“I am.”

“I am Captain Smith.  I am in charge of the rescue operation.”

“Not anymore.”  Her look did not allow for comments or disagreement.  “My boy will be going in there soon.  All of your people need to be out.”

“All due respect, Mother, some of my men know these caves pretty well, we could work together…”

Mother interrupted before he could finish his sentence. “My boy works alone.  I will work from my van and all information goes through me there.”

She turned away.  She could almost hear the Captain’s thoughts about her as she walked away, and she didn’t care.  She got the job done, and got the hiders home.  That was all that mattered.

Mother walked back over to the van and climbed in.  Jake was already gone.  She shivered, either from the wet, or her fear.  Jake’s entrance into the cave went unnoticed.  Just the way she liked it.

Over the next six hours, each of the ten boys, wet, exhausted and hungry, emerged from the cave entrance.   They were rushed to the ambulance crew who checked each boy out thoroughly.  Before they were taken to the hospital though, Mother came to see each boy.  Every time she said the same thing.

“My name is Mother.  You were given a message for me.  May I have it?”

The first boy said, “The message is ‘I won’t be home for dinner, the lower levels are filling with water.’”

The second boy out of the caves told Mother, “Dinner will be late tonight, no sign of eleven.”

The third and fourth and fifth boys came out together, and gave the same message, “Don’t hold dinner for me, ceilings are weak.”

This message made Mother move all the emergency vehicles further back from the entrance to the caves, onto more solid ground.

The sixth boy’s message was, “Don’t start dinner yet, maybe eleven, rain is covering signs.”

The seventh and eighth boys came out together, “Start dinner.  Several tunnels not passable.”

The ninth boy said, “Dinner is in the oven.  Eleven for sure.”

The final message was, “Set the table for dinner.  Olly olly oxen free.”

Mother smiled at the final message.  Captain Smith was not amused.

“Do you think this is a game?”

Mother eyed him with distaste.  “Hide and Seek is never a game, Captain.  My boy has been seeking for a very long time, and he is the best there is.  Period.”

“What about the girl?  You don’t even know if she is down there.”

“My boy says she is, and he will not come out until he has found her.”

“None of those messages said the girl was down there.”

“Not to you, they didn’t.”  Mother turned away.  The Captain grabbed her by the arm, and spun her around, and found himself on the ground ten feet away.

Jake was looming over him, “No one harms Mother.”

The Captain turned to see the little girl being led away by the ambulance crew.  She turned and shouted to Jake, “Was I the best hider ever?”

Jake smiled as he and Mother walked to the van, “You were the best hider ever, but I am still the best seeker.”

5 January

I did it!  I’ve been waiting so long.  The wood feels like satin under my fingers.  When I hold the hammers, excitement runs through my veins.  The first notes were like hearing Leigh’s laughter again.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to play at all.  There are simply too many emotions tied up with playing and Leigh.  Oh, how she loved to hear me play.  She would dance and swirl in her pretty little dresses for hours.  I played all of her favorites today.  It felt so good to make music again.  I played with the windows open, so the music would go straight up to heaven.  Hope you were able to dance again, Leigh.

4 January

I am going to do it, I am!  Tomorrow after work I am going to walk into the music store and buy the hammered dulcimer.  I know it is expensive, but it is the one I have always wanted.  I need to play!  Last year all I could do was cry.  I am changing everything tomorrow.  I will start over and remember all of the good times.  No more tears.  Only happiness from now on.

25 December

Another Christmas without Leigh.  I didn’t set up or decorate the tree this year, it was too much effort.  I know she would want me to, but my heart just wasn’t in it, not without her eyes to light up when she came down in the morning.  I am thinking about buying myself a special present though, I haven’t played in so long.

16 November

The divorce went through this week.  I didn’t cry, there were simply no tears left.  Not for him, anyway.  None for me either.  There will always be tears for Leigh.  I didn’t think my world could be shattered more than when she died, but when I got the letter from the lawyer saying he wanted a divorce I felt the floor drop out from under me.  Shows how much I knew.  I let him have everything except Leigh’s things.  I left him nothing of her, not even a picture.  He didn’t even care.  Knowing that made the process so much easier.  The man I married adored his little girl.  I guess his heart left when she did.  The man I loved doesn’t exist anymore.

2 August

Tears, tears, more tears.  I hate the crying all the time.  I saw a little girl with auburn curls, just like Leigh.  I just started sobbing.  There was nothing I could do to stop the flood.

20 May

One year.  I survived one full year.  I didn’t think I could, but here I am, surrounded by boxes of used tissues.

5 January

Happy Birthday, sweet Leigh.  I miss you.